What's the freaking point?
I have never considered myself anything. Merely a pimple on society's bum. Maybe it's an inferiority complex. Maybe it's my appearance. Maybe its the fact that I've had so much taken from me, that it hurts to want. "I am not a smart man, but I know what love is." Wise words from a theatrical idiot. But I understand what Mr. Gump was feeling at this point. I feel like a total moron everyday of my life, but at the same point I feel like I have been given something that I have to give back.
Everyday for the past week I have woken up and cried. At some point later in the day I cried as well and three of those days I cried myself to sleep. I'm yearning for something that I want with all of my being. I'm being deprived of something my heart is telling me I need. My world is being taken. While there are many twists and turns to this particular scenario in my life, one thing reigns supreme: it hurts like hell.
In the past two days I've heard the phrase "God's got a plan for you" so many times that I want to scream. I have surrounded myself with so many people who care about me, but I feel more alone than I have ever been. I have never thought of giving up and "going home" as much as in the last few days. I understand that there is a plan for my life. I understand that my friends care for me. I understand that those thoughts are selfish. But everyone else needs to understand that sometimes emotion overcomes reality in a persons logic. I am at that point, hurt overcomes joy, anger overcomes laughter, and death overcomes life. I know that I will not always be in this place, I know that this too shall pass and sun will shine again. But for God's sake people I'm hurting and understand that I don't know how to stop.
"Everyone's a building burning, with no one to put the fire out. Standing at the window looking out, waiting for time to burn us down."
Everyday for the past week I have woken up and cried. At some point later in the day I cried as well and three of those days I cried myself to sleep. I'm yearning for something that I want with all of my being. I'm being deprived of something my heart is telling me I need. My world is being taken. While there are many twists and turns to this particular scenario in my life, one thing reigns supreme: it hurts like hell.
In the past two days I've heard the phrase "God's got a plan for you" so many times that I want to scream. I have surrounded myself with so many people who care about me, but I feel more alone than I have ever been. I have never thought of giving up and "going home" as much as in the last few days. I understand that there is a plan for my life. I understand that my friends care for me. I understand that those thoughts are selfish. But everyone else needs to understand that sometimes emotion overcomes reality in a persons logic. I am at that point, hurt overcomes joy, anger overcomes laughter, and death overcomes life. I know that I will not always be in this place, I know that this too shall pass and sun will shine again. But for God's sake people I'm hurting and understand that I don't know how to stop.
"Everyone's a building burning, with no one to put the fire out. Standing at the window looking out, waiting for time to burn us down."
posted by The Archbishop at 3:15 AM
3 Comments:
emotion is like sex. it is really good for a while, it just cant rule your life. so experience the pain. at least you are feeling it.
there can be no victory without sacrifice.
there can be no joy without pain.
there can be no redemption with out death.
oh yea...about that plan...it is more for Him than you. when we realize that, there is no pressure to perform, no pressure to be something or someone we cannot be, or don't want to be. we can just be...His.
harsh comments for a harsh post. but I have prayed for you.
Pain and hurt are intertwined throughout life. The greatest pain of all takes place when you surround yourself with people who claim to be friends or claim that relationships is so important to them, when in fact it is only important on their terms. I recently sent an email to some of what I would consider my closest friends. Emotions and reason had begun to close in upon me and I cried out in despair. I sent this cry out across the void of cyberspace only to hear very little in return. One person response and said that all was good on their end and asked did I want to get lunch one day. Another one of my friends told me man that would make a great blog, and perhaps that is true, but what I needed to hear from my friends was "What is going on? I am praying for you. What can I do to help you? Man are you alright?" What I found out is, that "relationship" is only a buzzword that is used by most people to sound like they really care about you or other people. In reality true a relationship would have reached out, supported, grieve with me and most importantly loved me unconditionally. The wonderful thing in this experience of mine is, that I realized that I do have a true friend that meets all these things, my friend is Jesus and He always supports and comforts, He always responds out of love and not out of some personal motive or twisted belief system and you know what, He is very concerned as to how I am actually doing and does not patronize me. It is times like these that you realize that the ultimate relationship with Jesus is the only true one that exists. I will pray that my Friend eases your pain because that is what friends do. Press on!
Damn man...i never wanted to be 1 of those cats that spat out a bunch of pat responses like a sprinkler head stuck on full blast...
you may feel like a moron, but i've seen/heard anything but from you...
i need you man, we need you...please know that you don't hurt alone...
i wish i could give you want you need or take away the pain, but i can't...
that hurts...
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